Hello guys, whaddup? So we are starting a new midweek series to keep things interesting around here. We sure hope you enjoy it. Here’s an introduction of sorts to, well, to introduce you to the story.
HI everyone, this is the story of how I became uncool. My name is Kim and I am your average modern day independent woman. According to all the people who have ever met me in life, I was the coolest person ever. I mean; I was funny, gentle, playful, very intelligent, just plain awesome to sum it up. I’m still awesome; don’t get me wrong, it’s just that I’ve lost my coolability. Yes, “coolability” is a word. Before I go into the story, let me do a full introduction.
My name is Kimberly Ogunfeso, I am twenty eight years old. I work as a junior editor for a magazine called PALAVA; it’s mostly filled with spiteful gossip about celebrities or sensational stories that don’t even make any sense. It’s like a mixture of every tabloid newspaper in the world with some fashion and sex advice tucked in somewhere, strategically placed half naked people who are supposed to be selling something and then of course; gloss – gotta have shiny pages to pull in the consumers. Saying I hate my job is a very big understatement; I loathe my job, it absolutely disgusts me. I want to take my job and throw it into a vat of boiling oil mixed with acid. Granted, this job is one of the best things I have going right now, as it pays the bills and it enables me to save up for my future dream.
My dream is becoming a business woman; you know those madams that own boutiques and other stores on Lagos Island, with one or two sales girls in every shop doing all the work while they rest at home and get fat. I want to be like that, only with a little less fat. That is why I stick with this stupid job even if it kills me daily that I have to be in this stupid office. Um….. What else is there to say about me? Yeah; I hate cold, I hate being cold, my favorite drink is anything made with bitter lemon, I am a health nut, I love to exercise a lot and I love reading – another reason why I’m still working in that hellhole and I LOVE Olamide Baddo. Oh, and I’m a virgin.
So, back to the story, it is how I suddenly moved from the coolest being ever liveth to some random person telling her story when she is supposed to be at work approving articles and doling out sacred advice and compliments to her loyal fans. It all started when Iyke broke up with me…………….
My name is Wale; Olawale Aderogba the fourth. I am the crown prince of Kusawogbo town in Osun state. Or not; I don’t know. I used to be very sure of my status up until two weeks ago when I came back from a short vacation and met my mother in a bad state. Her health was deteriorating the doctors said, and I had to step up my game and get her some grandbabies before she died. Although I was scared at first, when I heard about grandbabies, I just knew it was a ploy to get me married fast so I changed the game on them.
I threw a big tantrum and threatened to leave the palace if they – my parents – refused to stop trying to manipulate me into marrying some village virgin damsel. I am too young for that crap; barely even twenty five yet and the whole town is putting pressure on me to get married. No man wants to get married at twenty five; I know I don’t! But they just keep pushing me and I get so frustrated. I admit I am a little bit spoilt, but not so spoilt that I would allow my parents choose my wife or my girlfriend for me. Enough of the marriage talks for now.
The real reason I am in doubt of my status right now is because of my father. Just like me, he is extremely hot tempered and impatient; he makes me so mad sometimes. He gave me two days to find a bride or be disowned; TWO DAYS! Who does that? I mean, two days is pretty short. Sure, it’s enough time if I want to take a bath, or go to bed and really sleep, or be introduced by my praise singer, or shave all my body hair – especially in regions below the belt, if you know what I mean – , or wash my royal fleet of cars and so on. See, the list goes on and on; my point is two days is not enough time. That is why when he asked me to find a wife in two days; I lost it and yelled at him.
He asked me to leave the palace; he said he regrets ever being happy that I was born. It hurt so bad I didn’t even think to apologize, I just left. I took his best aide with me; Lekan my close friend and confidant. I’m going to make sure he regrets speaking to me that way; very soon, he’s going to be calling me and begging me for forgiveness. Oh I hate to speak for too long, I’m tired. So, let’s just say; this is the story of how I became a boss.
Read Episode 1 here