Twitter Hoes & Celebz #THC

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Ladies and Gentlemen! Nah! I meant Hoes and Pimps! How una dey? I’ve not really had time to blog lately buh i think imma be back on my grind real soon 😉

Lets see… errr what am i talking about today oh? Yes! Ashawo people for twitter. Oh sorry, i forgot my readers ain’t OLODOS like myself so lemme rephrase. Today

yours truly is talking about Twitter Hoes & Celebz #THC (Btw na me be “Yours Truly Oh” na my grand papa middle name be that)

Ok lets get down to the “D”. What is #THC? It means… shet! i don talk am already sha smh. Ok oh! moving on, these days people on twitter now have turned it into the alternate “real life” infact Twitter is now the main “Reality” while real-life is now “Virtual Reality”.

Its now very easy to be extra social on twitter, set P and all that but in reality you’d just be looking like dundee!

Why is this? We the cool ones have successfully brainwashed you the “uncool” souls into believing whatever we do is cool and if you don’t join us you a b*tch a** Ni**a! *reads the last lines* Ogbeni nothing like Censoring for my blog jor!

Dear Censor, Bitch be gone!!!

So what i was saying is “We the cool ones (yh! I’m one of US) have successfully brainwashed you the “uncool” souls into believing whatever we do is cool and if you don’t join us you a bitch ass Nigga! (yeah looks cooler now :))

You ever told a friend that they’re doing way too much for attention online, but they hit you with the “I’m just having fun” excuse? Ofcourse you have! Or maybe you have used that excuse a couple of times yourself. Talk true ogbeni!

Now every chic wanna be the “Badt Bitch” on twitter. Since every mumu that has a nokia phone with wap portal is now on facebook. The truth is that’s not why people don’t use facebook anymore, facebook exposes the real you! Plenty pikshurs, your street address gan dey dia lol.

But Twitter on the other hand, has maximum privacy. One Avi, use mean lines on your bio and say IDGAF or say “i dont ff back” thats when u don manage beg for followers get plenty sha. You can be fat sef and we won’t know. Just crop the pic and use instagram fatasi and you’re good to go! (btw i don’t have instagram cos i can’t afford an iPhone 5 & i’m not like those who manage to buy cheap android phones *shebi na to get instagram lol* oh yeah! i was obviously being modest when i said i can’t afford an iPhone 5. Bitch please!!!! Na me na ;))

So after doing those small small online tushin’ you’ll now start doing copy n paste tweets feeling cool. If anybody who knows you tells you the truth like”Bitch stop tweeting n saying you at VGC & go help your mama sell beans for Eni Njoku” you’ll quickly reply saying “#BLOCKED!!!” *Na ur type dem make the button for? Kpsheeew!

Lets be Frank Edo girls are hoes nobody says its not good to package yourself, we just saying its bad to over-do!

You say “Its not serious” & “Its just twitter” but If it’s “not that serious” why are you putting on make-up thats 2inches thick (please im not trynna be sexual here, cos i said thick doesnt mean im talking bout my dick abeg)  and you put on your skimpy black nightclub dress at 3pm on a Tuesday afternoon for Instagram pictures of yourself in your bedroom? Just to post on twitter and get RT’s plus compliments from losers who just enter twitter to search for pics they’d wank to lol.

When we say you a hoe you say shattap! but when an upcoming artiste like ****** (errr lets not start mentioning names) shows up on twitter you quickly follow and say ” hey boo kindly follow back” for the mumu mind too him don see groupie o! lwkm! You see someone with a gold chain n for your mind you don dey scream Malay Things. Shebi na kidney dem dey sell, na ur toto be the next thing!

Some even use tools to buy followers and start forming “Celeb” Who you dey form for? I saw this dude with thousands of followers n he was only following 20. Omo i google am taya i no see anything. I facebook am oh! nothing! Na until i consult ifa before hin con teh me say the guy na dugbe jor. Buh on a serious note why buy dummy followers and still be lonely AF on twitter? As in… who is fooling who?

Some of you have even brought your facebook behaviour here too. Which one be snapping pics with torn chairs n using sagem to edit your picture n using as avi or posting na! Wah Tah Fahckkkk!!!!!!! No be swag abegi! No be crime to be proud of your background oh buh use stye package small na.

Noticed how setting P is now as easy as “Kindly follow back sweets” “CYDM” “Your dp is so onpint you in unilag?” “can i have your pin?” “oh i just came to town and looking to have fun” “I’m dangote’s cousin’s brother’s friend’s husband’s brother’s son” and stuff like that. Btw Handles like @BoredRichKid can facilitate your P setting too oh! #DontDull 😉

Initially i thought i was gonna mention names and stuff on this post but ermmm i’ll let y’all decide. Una want screenshots and names of top twitter hoes and bitch ass niggas forming celebs? just drop comments and let me know *badt guy pose*

Anyway its 3AM here i gotta go wank. I mean i gotta go sleep. Ok sleep ain’t a good excuse sef cos y’all know i don’t sleep. Woh i wan go fly jor! Nepa don take light n lappy go soon off.

*closing remarks*

To all my baby mama wanna be’s make una no worry my prick still dey lift weights. There’s enuff Olodo sperm for una ;).

To all the boiphwendz wey dey say i too dey shuffle dia babes, make una come see me later with big bags of cash make i sell una the formula 😉

Btw is there anything i forgot to add? Drop it as a comment make i know jare *Disappears* #OkBye

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10 COMMENTS

  1. Oh my gracious God in heaven!!! I cant stop laffing… let me not talk much, but i really love dis shii mehn! Thank God i’m nt one of dem…

  2. Hahahahahaha I no fit laugh abeg I’ve been waiting for someone to blog about the hoes that package on twitter the issue don tire me self……nice one bro

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