(Series) Lamentations Of An Ugly Girl #LOAUG Ep.3


Compliments Fam!

Last 2weeks we posted Episode 2 of #LOAUG and y’all just couldn’t wait to get Episode 3! We had some issues so we couldn’t publish Ep3 last week(Apologies). Without further ado here’s Episode 3 of the Lamentations Of An Ugly Girl




I hung up before he could even say goodbye. “Vantage view, you would not like mug shots mumu”. I thought of his annoying choice of words. I was already expectant when his call came in at around 3:30pm on Friday; he obviously thought I was going to be fashionably late.

“Hey I quickly rushed home for something this afternoon, I would have called you but I have been very busy,” I answered without even hearing his voice on the other side.

“Hope all is well sha?” He asked. I told him it was not serious and we rescheduled to Monday morning.

Before midday on Monday, I called him to tell him that I was not feeling too well.

“If you wouldn’t mind I’d just take it from my phone and send them to your mail,” I asked.

“Ok but I need the straight view and pictures of both sides” He replied waiting a few seconds before he said both sides. As soon as he sent me this email address(please who still uses hotmail?), the evil genius got to work, sending a screen shot “page loading” and tagged it pic 1 straight view and to others.

“Sent three already, go and check” I said without letting him utter a word before hanging up.

About an Hour later

“The page is not loading; I have not even seen the pictures at all”

“Why nah? Maybe I’d just send it again, Abeg no vex”

I retorted almost laughing at his misery before hanging up.

“Bola, Bola, see he has seen that one, Oya, the second set, “I called out. She was on another call whispering and probably hoping that I would not hear her from the kitchen.

“Who was that, Bola?”

“Nobody important” she answered escaping my gaze. I know better than to pester Bola if it is important, she would eventually spill. She sent the second set of pictures this time with screen shot blank page. Later that day, when Ridwan called again, my church-mind quickly chanced the witch part of me, at least I try nah, I gave him over 12 hours to Google for Ibadan girls with tribal marks, see me pitying the idiot o.

“Tolani, how do human beings know they are in love not the movies own o?” Bola asked in Yoruba while we were watching a Yoruba film.

I don’t know, butterflies in your stomach, slow motion when you see the person,” I teased.

“Serious nah” she said with a stern voice depicting her seriousness.

“Maybe, heartbeats, unexplainable joy, you can’t help but laugh sort of”

“Tolani, I think I’m in love” I stopped the film then faced her.

Were my ears failing me?, Mobolanle Philips in love: impossible, this babe is a feminist to the point of no return, doesn’t think a woman needs a man to be complete, she seriously hates fairytales and loves to a fault one-night-stands and sexcapades and her ridiculous rule of getting out of bed first after sex. How can she fall in love?

“Ah! You have to be joking, Iwo ke”

“I’m dead serious”

“Since when, with who, do I know him?”

“I can’t even explain, about 2 weeks ago, when I met him at the sport complex when I was looking for my rep. I almost ran him over because I was pinging”

“So you guys haven’t talked abi, what’s his name,”

“Chike, I had to apologize, so I gave him a ride; we met the next day and we got talking, I like the guy, he seems cool and nice too, his facials try too” she said with a smug look because she knew I’d ask.

“But do you think he likes you or he is feeling you at least?”

“I think so, I don’t know, he calls me, we talk a lot I can’t say from those ones abi?” She sighed before continuing “I like him gan-an but but but” she stammered. “is he disabled, ugly, oh because he is Ibo, wait o is he too old” I ran my mouth before she cut in”

“Shey you will let me talk before you start jumping to conclusions; he is a little challenged on the financial side”. She uttered.

Though Bola is quite rich and spoilt, she hardly rates anyone and does not even refer to anyone by his or her monetary standards so forget the grammar; this guy has to be poor like below half a dollar a day poor. God forgive my mouth.

“Aren’t you going to say anything” She caught me out my thought.

“I don’t know. What do you want me to say?”


“It is well” My church lingo came to bare. She asked me not to tell Viv and Liz that he was coming to her place in two days, I refused and we agreed to tell them so we’d all be around when he comes.

In simple jean and shorts, we sat awaiting Bola’s boyfriend (wey never toast am) Liz was busy bad-mouthing Bola when we heard someone knock on the door. We readjusted to plan, Bola went to the kitchen preparing food or so we wanted him to think while Liz and I were supposed to be playing scrabble forming smart girls nah.

“Oh! I’m sorry, I was told this is Bola’s place”, I heard when Viv opened the door. Vivian then ushered him in, before we could call Bola out of the kitchen as planned, she was already out, hugging and cuddling him. This babe can like to fall hand.

“Pardon my manners, I’m Chike and I believe you are Bola’s friends” he said before Bola thought it right to introduce us. We chatted about everything from fashion to sport (only the one I know is that C.Ronaldo is the hot guy who plays for Real Madrid and Messi is the football geek. The guy no try at all). He seemed quite smart with a great sense of humour, at least I laughed like thrice.

“Ladies, I’m sorry I must go now I have a whole lot of other things to cover today, maybe some other time?”

You should have seen Bola’s face it was as if she was left behind after rapture.

“Bola, you no dey try o of all the boys on this campus, Omo Ibo yii, did you see the guys collar?” Liz began.

I saw that when he was taking off his shoes before he entered. It had turned brown either from too many a use or from not too many a wash.

“Abeg, which one is Omo Ibo in the matter nah” Viv interjected.

“At least he didn’t go and borrow shirt, honesty” Bola replied with all seriousness.

“Me I know poor guys that have clean collars sha, the texture of his palm ehn, if e catch your bobbi ehn, if e no burst am nah small e go remain. I pity you” Viv said hoping to start a joke. It was not funny at that moment maybe we would laugh later.

“See, am telling you , go and find all those Omo Baba Olowo like you for boyfriend, this one go tell you say make you bring all your papa money nii ooooo.”

“Ah ah Elizabeth” I shouted, cutting her short before she uttered something stupid.


At this point, I am quite confused, like I am not a class racist (couldn’t find a better word abeg) but this guy is obviously way below Bola’s status while the babe is probably doing eatery, he’d probably be hustling bread and beans, the babe has a car, he doesn’t. I cannot even decipher where this is going, here is Bola; never falls in love, feminist only God knows when she will meet another person if she leaves him.

Men on the other hand can never be trusted but wait ooo why has not he even asked her out yet? Maybe

a) He is quite shy of the different class status and does not want to seem like a gold digger.

b) He knows Bola might ask him so whenever shit happens he would be like “I never liked you, you asked me out remember.”

c) This is all a well-orchestrated plan of a gold-digger. Yeepa

Today, I’d really need your opinions as you comment because I am confused and I have since been stylishly dodging the “what do you think of him?”

What do you think I should do?



(SERIES) Dominoes Ep.3 by @Mzz_Kemmie
(SERIES) Dominoes Ep.2 by @Mzz_Kemmie


  1. Good people of olodonation,abeg make an ugly girl trend.share using the hashtag #loaug and don’t forget to keepthe advise coming in….. Thanx and have a blissFull year!

  2. Good people of olodonation, abeg help an ugly girl trend. Share using the hashtag #loaug. And pls don’t Forget to advise me oo!!

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