The House — Episode 2: Land Of Worries


Graphics By: @RollyKeysz
Graphics By: @RollyKeysz


Last week we posted the first episode of our new series, if you missed it you can read it here , if you have been following us, then I am so sure you are eager to know; how well Bode settles in, what was the deal with the fight or who deals the cards in the house? Read on:


The look on Bode’s face was priceless, guy don dey feel at home already. Well not to praise myself, I do pride myself in my pimped-up room, na those girls fit enjoy the parole pass. Asides the fact that my room’s usually a betting arena whenever I put on the PS 2, it was all tight. Hmmm should I start explaining to Bode the workings of this house abi make I chill till he has settled and get things himself. As I made a move to go back out and get a bucket, Boka entered. Ohhh this guy no dey ever forget money matters.

Boka : “Oga, how far, wey my money? Fight sha don end and no winner”

Always straight to the topic, dude’s always feeling like someone’s out to cheat him, probably because God cheated him out of a few inches. Shortest person in the house, at a height of about 5 ft 4, already growing a potbelly off some money he was getting as a Yahoo boy.

Sesan: “You no get sense at all, shey you know? You wan collect your money now, for evening if everybody wan play game now, you go don go blow the money on top Ego head abi?”

Boka: “Guy, wetin concern you? Na sha my money. Biko, abeg give me my money, I wan go Iya Niyi go chop.”

With this, I just had to give him his money. I pulled out a two hundred naira note out of the lot which I was still gripping. After collecting his money, he turned and faced Bode.

Boka: “Chairman, I hail oo.” Idiot!

Bode: “Boss, I salute back”

Great! At least Bode was well mannered. I decided to do some introductions.

Sesan: “Boka, na my cousin Bode be dis. Bode meet the one and only Boka the messiah! The unofficial president of this house!” Boka was all smiles now, he loved being hailed.

Boka: “No mind your cousin oo, my name na Chibuzo but you can also call me Boka.” A wide grin was plastered all over his face.

Sesan: “Na here he go dey live oo.” It was best the boys started knowing I had a new roomie.

Boka: “You serious?” (Boka asked as he turned to look at me) “Make we throw am welcome party na.”

Sesan: “Idiot, you better shut up. You wey be say na because of two hundred naira you enter my room dey para, shey na you wan buy beer for boy boys wen we go take do party abi?”

Bode bursted out laughing on the bed, first time I had actually see him laugh since he arrived.

Boka: “You for say you broke, make I come help you ni, fool!” he was talking and walking out of my room.

My laughter was epic as I turned to face Bode. Think it’s best if I at least started telling him one or two things about the house.


I was still trying to contain my laughter at the scene that had just played out in front of me. Chibuzo A.K.A Boka had seemed a really lively guy. Sesan went to the nearby wall hanger and changed shirts. He asked me to take a stroll with him that he wanted to get recharge cards outside the compound, I stood up and followed him. The compound that had been some sort of a fighting coliseum moments ago was now virtually empty save for a few people at the well. I noticed one of the girls that had been fighting earlier amongst them.

“This place is a crazy house oo, full of abnormal people, we call it ‘The House'”… Sesan’s voice brought me back to him. We had stepped out of the main gate by now. Calling the group of people I had seen earlier “abnormal” seemed like a big understatement.

Sesan: “Our landlord sef no test ok. You have already met his daughter gan, and you have seen the oskanbos we have in the house, those are just two. They are about five, the rest haven’t returned from work”.

He turned away from me after this statement and knocked on the next compound’s gate.

Bode: “What’s Oskanbo?” I was lost.

Sesan: “Prostitutes, ashy. We also have students, corpers and close to normal people sha living in the house”

Bode: “But does your landlord know there are prostitutes living in the compound?”

Sesan: “Know ke? Abi he’s their commander in chief. I don’t think any of them has ever paid house rent before as far as they go and fuck the man regularly.”

Bode: “Seriously?!” I was shocked! “But wait o, how old is your landlord?”

Sesan: “Omo the man go don dey enter around seventy o but fucks like he’s still in his thirties.”

“Na wa o” was the next thing that fell out of my mouth.

Sesan: “Then the boys in the compound are cool sha. Weyreh boys asides one body builder wey we dey harbour for that house.”

I immediately remembered the huge guy I had mistakenly stepped on during the fight. He sure looked like a body builder.

Sesan: “Na the guy dey fuck Stella sha, na only God know when him sef pay rent last.”

No one had answered the gate, this time he banged the gate like he was trying to bring it down.

“Tani yen?! (Who’s that) Ee’ni gate ni ile ni?(Don’t you have a gate at home)” came a sharp voice from within.

Sesan: “I wan buy card jor! Iya Nuru,” .

I was surprised when the gate was opened and out came a pretty girl with one of the most amazing smile I have ever seen. I was still trying to figure how someone as pretty as these could have such a sharp tout’ish’ voice when she spoke.

“How much card do you want to buy?” Her voice was so cherubic I was beginning to think I was staring at an angel.

Sesan: “Dem tell you say na him wan buy card abi me? Abeg give me Etisalat two hundred jor before your mama think say person wan come rob am.”

Sesan’s voice brought me back to reality once again. He stretched out a two hundred naira note to her.

“Oga, easy,” she laughed as she took the money and went back inside. Apparently Sesan seemed some sort of area father around here. There was a frown on his face as he turned to look at me.

Sesan: “The woman go dey feel say person wan come rob am ni abi person wan come rape her daughters for house.”

“Daughters?” I asked in amazement that there could be more angels in this house.

Sesan: “Yes na. She has three daughters and one boy. The boy is the eldest; the girl that came out just now is the last born”.

He was just completing this statement when the girl came back out with his card. She handed it back to him and shut the gate as she went back inside. We started back towards our own place.

Sesan: “She go dey monitor her daughters like say them no go marry, and those girls ehn dey fuck anything!”

My brain rebooted at this statement. I was sure in for a crazy stay in Lagos.

Sesan: “As I was saying jare, my compound is full of crazy abnormal people o. So it’s best I should start telling you about them, make you no go dey feel out of place.”

He said this as he pushed the gate opened and ushered me back in.

Sesan: “Welcome to the house!”

Bode: “Why do you call it the house? Sounds strange.” I wasn’t seeing any sense in him calling it the house…

Sesan: “Haa you neva go casino before, they call casino floors ‘The House’ and you know what they say about the house?”

“No, I don’t.” I replied.

Sesan: “The House always wins!”




Independent_Episode Two: How To Move On With Dignity
The House — Episode 1: The House Always Wins


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