Stoner Diaries—Episode 4: Ho Ho High

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Continued from here

“It has been exactly three weeks and four days since I had a hit. I feel like I’m finally moving on now.” I said and adjusted in the couch that had become home to me in the past few days.
“And how does it feel?” My therapist asked.
I stared at the back of the chair in front of me. I had been getting therapy from this person for close to a week now, but I had never seen his face. His voice was soothing enough that I ignored the absence of a face to place with the name. His voice also sounded really familiar, so I was bidding time until I could tell who it was.

“Why, I’m a very good friend.” He said in that breathy voice and I smiled. I was going to get this guy very soon.
“Yes, yes. You’re indeed very close.” He said again, and I realized why he was answering questions that I had not even asked.
“Blunt!!” I said, just as he turned to face me
“Yes, me.” he replied “How long do I have to wait to feel your lovely lips around me again.” He said, and then he suddenly transformed into the finest man I have ever seen, and then he walked towards me and started to touch my face, and then he kissed me.

That was when I woke up. I have had this dream about six times now, since the last time Dara came visiting.
“Dear Lord, isn’t this thing spiritual like this?” I muttered to myself and took another gulp of water as I had been doing regularly for the past three weeks. After all, if I’m being honest, my system needs some serious cleansing. My phone rang just as I was congratulating myself for being clean for so long; it was Dara.

“What’s up?” I said
“I dey. Where are you?” He asked
“Home”
“Okay, do you want to hang out?”
“Yeah sure” I checked my watch; I still had enough time before my mother got back “Where do you want to meet?”
“That sports bar near your area. I’m already there, so you can start coming.”

I got dressed immediately I hung up and made my way to the bar. When I got there, Dara was sitting in a secluded corner of the darkly lit bar, and he looked like he was coming from somewhere important. I started laughing the moment I got close enough for him to hear me.
“Guy, how far? Why are you dressed like this?” I asked him
“Don’t worry, you’ll soon know.” he stood up and turned “How do I look?”
I gave him a thumbs up and sat down.

“How have you been?” He asked and I nodded and shrugged
“Still struggling with the whole smoking thing?” He asked and I nodded again. “But you know you shouldn’t be smoking right?” he said and I gave him a look. What happened to Dara? The one that was my G. He noticed, so he laughed and apologized.
“Okay” He said, “I shouldn’t be doing this. But I got you this as an early Christmas gift” He brought out two blunts from his back pocket and gave them to me.
“Hayyyy, see why I love you?” I laughed and hugged him, and then I freaked out when he refused to release me. “Dara, how far you na?” I said and he released me. “What’s up with you today?” I held his chin and moved his face this way and that; he looked fine. After a few charged seconds with us staring each other in the eyes; me wondering what was going on with him, and him wondering God knows what, he started laughing.
“Don’t mind me, I just wanted to finish the match. Let’s go to your place and smoke these.”

In no time at all, we were smoking and laughing in my room.
“What the hell is this?!” I asked after another hit that went straight to my head.
“They call it ‘Iku ben’se'”
“What’s that?”
“Death’s servant”
“Hayyyyyy, so I’m dead now.” I asked him
“Nah” He replied and got into lecture mode “If you were dead, then your body would be decomposing and stuff. You’d be all smelly, like egg yolk. Or fart. Or fish”
“Ewww, I don’t want to smell like fish” I said, close to tears.
“You don’t. You smell like light and sunshine” He said

“Nooo. Jesus is the light of the world, but he still died” I said
“Why are we talking about Jesus?” He was confused now. “Because tomorrow is Christmas.” I replied
“Oh shit. That’s his birthday right?” Dara asked
“Yeah. And he died, and we didn’t even get him a gift.” I was so sad
“We are bad people” Dara said
“Yes” I replied “If we don’t get Jesus a gift, he’s going to smite us tomorrow.”

“Let’s sing him ‘happy birthday’ first, then we’ll go get a gift first thing tomorrow morning. Dara suggested and crumpled to the ground, then pulled himself up to his knees.
“Okay” I replied and crawled up to him; then we held hands and started singing.

I don’t remember much after that, but when I woke up this morning, Dara and I were in my bed naked………

Shit.

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