The House — Episode 4: When Hunger Strikes


Graphics By: @RollyKeysz
Graphics By: @RollyKeysz


We are back this week again with another episode, “The house” is becoming more fun. Has Bode fully settled in or is he still the “Johnny just come”, sit tight, enjoy and if you have not been following it is not too late, just click here  for previous episodes.


Two thousand naira gone in just four games? Dem jazz me ni? Been asking myself that question for the past 24hours ever since I lost that amount to Leventis playing soccer last night. Well e dey happen sha, but na me suppose be the Onile (house owner). I am not meant to be losing such amount of money and not at this time wey pocket dry. I shook my head and went inside to get a torch, it was getting dark and as usual useless Nepa never bring light. Well that is the Least of my worries, right now I was hungry and since Bode wasn’t back from wherever he went to and boys weren’t around, there is only one room in this compound that could provide my stomach some relief. I got the torch, stepped out, locked my door and turned around, making my way to the other side of the compound. I need money (cash, owo, kudi, ego) seriously, exams go start soon and I no get any plan to stress my brain at all this time around. I got to the room we had nicknamed ‘Aso Rock’, all occupants of this particular room were prostitutes (oskambos, ashy), whatever you decide to call them, high class, low class you will find them here. It was actually a set of two rooms but the dividing wall had been taken down and now you have the biggest room in the compound, only baba God knows how many girls reside here, because even baba landlord doesn’t know how many. How could he when he no dey collect rent? If one of them don go bed am him brain don throway. Well that is the same thing his daughter is doing with Uti, like father like daughter.

I didn’t knock, I merely opened the door and stepped in praying I would catch one of the girls nude or half-dressed. That was always my prayer anytime I came to this part of the house and it was usually answered but on this occasion it wasn’t.

“Sesan, wetin you find come here? Abi your room don long reach here ni?”, one of the girls Yemisi by name was the first to fire, there were just three of them around, Yemisi, Jane and a girl I had never seen before, new intake I guess. While Yemisi and Jane were seated at one corner of the room, she was laying stomach down on one of the numerous beds. Damn her ass was something else, this one na better intake, the rechargeable lamp in the middle of the room provided enough illumination for me to view the mountain she called an ass.

“Shey I no fit con greet una again ni? Una be my wives na abi una don get another husband for compound ni?” I replied Yemisi.

Jane laughed and I could imagine her brown teeth glittering in the dark, I wonder the kind of men that allowed her to give them head. She must have been the end product of a bad close-up advert.
Jane: “See you ehn, na anytime you need something you dey always waka come this room, oya wetin you dey find this time?”
Forget her bad dentition, she is the smartest of the lot.

Sesan: “Who tell you say I need something? I just come play with una ni na.”
My stomach growled at my lie, why could I not just go straight to the point? Been broke na bad thing o.

Yemisi: “Sesan,talk true, wetin you want?”

Sesan: “Yemisi make una behave jare, I just come play with una before compound full again abi una sef dey comot, night don reach o (believe me this was asked in good faith)”

Yemisi: “No jare, I wan sit down for house, rest small, chop and get better sleep”
The moment I heard ‘Chop’ my brain went into overdrive, it was either the food was ready or it was just about to be made and considering the fact that I could not smell anything, it was definitely the latter. time to be a good guest.

Sesan: “Good idea sha, wait una get any drink for house?”

I knew then answer even before Jane replied in the negative, I told them I’d go get a drink at Iya Nuru’s. I knew for sure I was going to be included in the dinner plans, I was silently praying Latifah was around. I could always con a drink out of her, don’t know how or why but it was easy for Iya Nuru’s children to steal a dozen Mcdowells than steal a grain of rice. Probably because Iya Nuru herself was an alcoholic and would probably think she had drank it herself, well! all that one na her business. I stepped out of compound enroute the next house in slow steps trying to calculate what I would do if it was Iya Nuru who came to attend to me, I looked up to see if the gate was open and there at the gate was Bode and Latifah. She was giggling like a 9year old kid and he was also grinning like a toddler, Chei this boy don dey set this girl P olorun oo! Make he sha no block my black market runs. For now it was even better he had Latifah outside for me.

Bode: “Ha, bro how far na?” he greeted with his usual folder underneath his arm.

Sesan: ”I dey jare, house just dull,I say make I stretch leg small” How was I going to do this now oo? Didn’t want anyone finding out about my usual runs with Latifah.

Latifah: “Broda Sesan goodevening”
the girl pipped in, which one be all this “broda broda” wen she dey always call me.

Sesan: “How are you jare? Ehen come sef, Bode abeg give me one minute” I said as I pulled Latifah to one side to quickly make my case.

Latifah: “But haa you still owe me about five thousand six hundred”

Sesan: “Don’t worry na, I have told you, once they sort us pocket money, I will sort you”

Latifah: “You have been saying this since last year o, ahan”
Sesan: “Last year ke.” I scratched my head, I thought I only started giving her this format two weeks ago.


Wonder what Sesan wanted that he had to pull Latifah aside, I was seriously praying that he shouldn’t make a move on her. I had been coming home from another ghost interview when I had seen her standing in front of their gate. Funny! I had never seen any of Iya Nuru’s children outside before, come to think of it, never seen any of her kids asides Latifah.

Oh well! I looked up and noticed Latifah had gone in and Sesan was standing all alone. Was this the best time to tell him I had been robbed of my phone at Oshodi (the all famous oshodi)? Or should I just wait till we were inside the room? Would he start thinking that I was a dunce? I lost my phone and I was here about to make a move on a girl, his voice brought me back to reality.

Sesan: “Bode abeg, borrow me your phone, I wan flash Boka”.





The House — Episode 5: The Viagra Saga
The House — Episode 3: Don't Be Stupid

What Do You Think?

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.