Stoner Diaries—Episode 6: Sensei




“Josephina, your friends are here o!” My mother called from the living room. I tried not to feel nervous, because I knew Dara was definitely part of the people waiting for me and the last thing I wanted was to see him. It had been two weeks since he confessed to me, and try as I did, I couldn’t push the memory into the past where it belonged. Everything was back to normal; school had resumed, everyone was serious with life again, and I was getting high almost on a daily basis now. The only thing that was wrong was that I was doing all of that without Dara, and it felt wrong. It felt like everything was incomplete in some way I didn’t understand.

I went to the living room and as expected, met Dara, KC, Bukky and some girl I didn’t know standing awkwardly in the living room. I still don’t get why they are scared of my mother after all these years. I led them into my room and gave them all drinks.
“How far na?” KC said and punched me in the arm. “We no dey even see you again.”
“Na you no dey around na” I replied, refusing to look him in the eyes. How was I going to tell him that I was avoiding the group because of Dara?
“Which kain lie be dat? Shebi I see you for class for Monday; wey you quickly enter, quick run commot.” KC replied; he wasn’t going to be fooled.
“Oya, no vex.” I said and turned, and walked straight into Dara. Apparently, he had been standing behind me for a while.

“Let’s talk.” He said and dragged me into the toilet.
“What?” I asked refusing to look up at him.
“Why are you being weird?” He asked
“I don’t know. You tell me how it’s doing you.” He snapped
“Ahn ahn. Are you angry?” I didn’t understand why he was angry.
“You know what? I’d rather have you as my cool best friend; I don’t want this wimp of a girl who is doing everything to avoid me.” He hugged me and left me standing in the toilet.

I was still standing there trying to figure out what was going on when I heard him shout “Who wants to get high?!” and then immediately get shushed by everyone in the room. In another situation, that would have been funny to me; but not on that day. I was still troubled by Dara’s issues.
By the time I got myself together and went into the room, everyone was already passing two joints around. They were doing the clockwise/anti-clockwise movement; it was a style developed by myself and Dara to ensure that the joint never stayed out of your hand for too long. So two people started the smoking, and then passed it to opposite sides of the circle, or square as the case may be. I joined them and in no time, we were all laughing and sharing dead jokes. All except Dara of course who sat there glumly not saying a word.

It suddenly occurred to me that there was a stranger in my room, and she was smoking my weed and drinking my alcohol, and I didn’t know her.
“Who the hell is this thoughhh?” I asked KC, but he just laughed and pointed at Dara
“Who the hell is she thoughhhhhhh?!” I asked Dara now, with my words more than a little slurry.
“She’s an aspiring boo.” Dara replied giggling
“Why?” I asked “Because I don’t fuck wii’ you” he replied in a singsong voice and started dancing. KC and Bukky started giggling, and the girl just looked at Dara with a smile I didn’t really like.

“Do you know why Superman is a hero?” Bukky asked suddenly
“No” Dara answered in that annoying mournful tone
“Because of his hair.” She finished
“How?” This from KC
“Do you know that this guy flies up up high in the sky? Like in the place where rain water is manufactured.” She started
“Yeah; do you know how much wind is needed to manufacture rain water?” The new girl asked and Bukky gave her a thumbs up.
“Actually” Dara started “Wind is not needed to manufacture rain water.”
“But when rain falls, and nature wants to perform that constipation shit….”KC started
“Condensation” I corrected
“Shut the hell up. Let master speak” KC replied “Anyways, wind is needed for constipation to happen.” He finished.
“Kind of like when you really want to take a shit, or fart and you can’t because the wind is stored up.” New girl said
“Yeahhhh” KC and Dara replied and offered her a joint fist bump.
“I want to take a really shitty shit right now.” KC said and Dara sniggered.

“Wait!” Bukky suddenly realized something was wrong somewhere. “We were having a serious discussion just now.”
“Yeah” I answered “About what though?”
“Superheroes and life.” This from New girl.
“Yes. Superman. Superhair. Geddit?” Bukky asked and started laughing.
“Yesssss” Dara answered “A strand of hair can probably cut through steel.”
“Nahhh.” Bukky said, and physically entered lecture mode “You know he is the man of steel; that means he is the physical representation of steel you know?” We nodded in response “Therefore; a man who is steel cannot cut through steel, because he would be cutting through himself.” She finished
“Sensssssse!” New girl screamed and hugged Bukky
“Do you know that the word ‘Sensei’ is gotten from the word ‘Sense’?” I asked them
“Yess. Sensei is like the most sensible of the senses right?” Dara asked

We all looked at him and nodded, and for a second I was starting to feel like everything was going to be fine. The last thing I remember from the day was everyone of us bowing to Bukky and calling her Sensei.

“Everyday should be this good” is the last thing I think to myself before passing out.


Stoner Diaries—Episode 7: Old Foes, New Friends
Stoner Diaries—Episode 5: More Than Friends?

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