How To Contrast Bird Flu


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Holla! How’s it going fam? How’s it going this great Monday? I can hear all the microbes, and cells and organisms and stuff in my body chanting Monday!! I don’t even want to talk about the topic right now, I want to rant about how short and hectic my weekend was, but ai kent, because we have to talk about something else. So sad; I cri.
Speaking about the topic though, I bet most of you read; “How To Contract Bird Flu.” Lol; don’t worry, I did that the first time too. Yes, I know I wrote it. No, I don’t know why I was confused by my own topic. No, nothing is wrong with me. Leave me alone please.

So, yeah, bird flu.

Bird flu, formally known as Avian Influenza refers to influenza caused by viruses adapted to birds. Although, the virus does not easily infect people, and it’s not usually transmitted from human to human, several people have been infected around the world. The disease is usually contracted as a result of either handling dead infected birds or from contact with infected fluids. Symptoms include high temperature, aching muscles, headache and respiratory problems that worsen as the condition develops. But you probably already know all this; so let’s talk about all the other stuff you are supposed to know. See how nice I am? I know you’re now thinking I should have been your val; too late now. Don’t cry.

Other symptoms include diarrhea, vomiting, chest pain, tummy pain, and bleeding from the nose and gums. This one does not mean that if your stomach suddenly starts paining you, you have contacted bird flu. Because you Nigerians ehn…
Moving on, the following are measures you can carry out to prevent the bird flu from catching up with you; thank me later.

  • Avoid contact with domesticated birds. In other words, do not go near those damned chickens and hens and fowls and whatnot. For those of you that enjoy chasing them around so you can take pictures, and embarrass them poor chickens in those silly pictures you use for memes, now is the time to stop. The birds have decided to infect you with their own version of AIDS, and they will take no survivors.
  • Wash your hands thoroughly with warm (hot if you can) water and soap before and after handling poultry products i.e. eggs; especially after, to prevent cross contamination.
  • If you want to eat poultry – because you just can’t stand the thought of living without chicken periperi – ensure that you cook it thoroughly. Cook it until the juices run clear. In the case of egg, cook until the yolk is firm and white.
  • Wash all utensils used in preparing poultry dish with hot water and soap (also to prevent chances of cross contamination).
  • If all of the above written measures do not reassure you, get a bird flu shot. A bird flu shot does not eliminate all chances of getting infected, it basically just reduces your chances of getting infected on contact.

Also, one bonus one before I forget. Do not, I repeat; DO NOT eat chicken suya. I know y’all are very gluttonous and unable to control your appetite really good customers and you don’t want to hurt the suya mallams’ feelings, but try to refrain. If you must, grill your chicken at home by yourself, so it is well done.

And at this point, I say goodbye, and drop my golden pen into the basket of love. Because valentine.

Have a great week ahead.




Life: In African Proverbs
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