There’s the guy who’s constantly making you feel bad about yourself for no reason at all. And then there’s that unique kind of disrespectful pond scum who refuses to make any sort of effort with your friends.
I can’t say this guy is the absolute worst. I mean, the douches who cheated on you and made you feel inferior were obviously pretty brutal. But this guy is, without a doubt, high up on the list of arrogant ass-wipes.
He has no respect for you and for your world. He makes you question your judgment in choosing people (because you chose him, after all), and he consistently prioritizes his own life over yours.
We spend so much time shaming the abusers and the cheaters that we forget all about this disrespectful sh*thead. So take a minute out of your busy day, and allow me to me convince you to dump the guy who makes no effort with your friends.
- He’s not in it for the long haul.
Breakups are messy when he’s become a part of your world. There will be no clean break — because the break won’t be with just you; it will be with all of your loved ones he’s grown to love as well.
A guy who sees a breakup in your near future isn’t going to bother with this extra step.
- He’s insecure.
Meeting your friends means that he’s willingly subjecting himself to immense amounts of judgment and scrutiny from people who truly want nothing short of the best for you.
A confident man who honestly believes that he is the best for you would not be intimidated by this. But your man is. Do you see the problem here?
- He’s ashamed of something.
Even if you don’t see right through him, he’s afraid that your friends will. Their judgment is not clouded by the fantastic sex they’re having with him, and it’s only a matter of time before they expose him to you as the insecure, weak piece of garbage he really is.
- He wants only his perspective of you.
You aren’t your own person in his eyes; you are merely a projection of what he wants in a girl.
Meeting your friends gets in the way of this precious image of you. He likes you the way he sees you, and he doesn’t want anything to jeopardize that.
- He’s antisocial.
It’s not enough that he doesn’t want to go out and hang out with people; he expects you to do the same. He’s antisocial, and he’s taking you down with him.
- He’s a coward.
Meeting your friends is the first of about one billion intimidating hurdles you two are going to have to overcome as a couple.
If he can’t muster up the courage for this, how can we be sure he’ll be man enough to, um, I don’t know … hold your hand as you SQUEEZE HIS CHILD THROUGH YOUR LOINS?!
- He doesn’t value what’s important in your life.
Your friends matter to you, but they don’t matter to him. HUGE PROBLEM. A relationship is a partnership.
And what makes people happy in a partnership is being supported instead of diminished.
- He’s controlling.
In refusing to make an effort with your friends, he’s inherently asking you to choose him over them.
He makes you feel guilty every time you choose them over him. He slowly sucks you completely into his world.
- He doesn’t want to get to know you on a different level.
He doesn’t care about your past or your deepest, darkest secrets. He’s perfectly fine with the surface-level knowledge he has of you now, and he has no intention of delving any deeper.
- He forces you to choose.
He puts you in a totally unfair position, and you constantly feel like you have to choose between him and them.
You’re caught in a lose-lose situation: Your friends regularly resent you for ditching them for him, and he resents you for the same.
- He probably won’t make an effort with your family either.
Odds are, someone who isn’t gung-ho about casual drinks with your girls isn’t going down for formal Christmas dinner with your entire extended family.
- He doesn’t respect your taste in people.
The fundamental difference between your friends and your family is that you choose your friends. Okay, so he doesn’t like your crazy cousin Susie.
You don’t really like her either; you’re just stuck with her because Mother Nature cursed you. But his not liking your crazy-but-in-a-good-way best friend Jen? Now THAT is a total and utter dig at your taste in people.
- He doesn’t think he’ll have anything in common with them.
The glaring problem here is that YOU have a lot of things in common with your friends.
If he doesn’t find them fun or entertaining, that’s a direct jab at you. Maybe the two of you don’t have quite as much in common as you thought you did.
- He values his life more than yours.
The guy who doesn’t make an effort with your friends almost always expects you to make an effort with his.
HIS friends are worth meeting, and HIS friends are worth spending time with. He’ll make time for your friends as soon as he “gets a chance to” (hint: never).