The former loves the feeling of togetherness and can’t wait to walk down the aisle, buy an expensive cake and treat 200 people to dinner in order to cement their love.
The latter on the other hand, holds the belief that something better is always around the corner. These men seldom let any relationships get serious. They assume every girl they date will inevitably fall in love and want to marry them.
Ironically and rather annoyingly, many women are attracted to men with commitment issues (because let’s be honest, we always want what we can’t have).
The truth is, no matter how witty, sexy or incredibly good in bed you are, it’s unlikely you’ll ever cure him of his commitment-phobic ways. Not because it’s some incurable disease, but because these men are on a timer, which will go off when they’re ready to settle down.
Think of it like playing “pass the parcel” with 100 other girls. The music might stop on you, or it might not. All you can do is take part and hope for the best.
Instead of trying to seduce him into a relationship with you, it’s probably best you don’t invest all your emotions. Just assume if he gets over his fear of dating, he’ll let you know.
Of course, in order to do so, it’s best to know what you’re looking out for:
- Sending mixed signals is his specialty.
Sometimes he likes you, other times he seems unaware you exist. Perhaps he’s playing it cool, he’s busy or it could be the mixed signals are just code for “he’s not that interested in you.”
It’s best not to take it too personally. After years of casual dating, he has probably mastered showing just the right amount of interest to keep you around.
- Sex is his other specialty.
Of course he knows what he’s doing in the bedroom. He’s had a lot of practice, after all.
Most of his relationships revolve around sex.
- He goes from hot to cold faster than your morning coffee.
He likes you. So every now and then, without meaning to, he acts like a boyfriend would.
Then, he remembers he’s not ready to commit yet, so he overcompensates by ignoring you for a few days.
All this is just so you get the wrong idea and fall in love with him.
- All your dates are last minute, or spur of the moment.
If he remembers you at 10 pm on a Friday night, it’s because all of his better plans fell through.
Remember: A girlfriend is someone you plan adventures with. A girl you’re “casually seeing” is someone you fit around your other (more important) arrangements.
- Most of your dates involve his bedroom.
Taking you on actual dates is a lot of effort for someone who really isn’t that committed.
- You have never met his parents. In fact, you wonder if they exist.
His parents are off-limits.
There will be no cute Sunday dinners at his house, nor will there be afternoon cups of tea with his mom.
This is not because he’s afraid his parents might like you too much. It’s because he’s afraid you’ll read into this and assume he likes you more than he actually does.
- The word “relationship” is not in his vocabulary.
Don’t bother asking where this is going. You’ll probably just scare him off.
If you’re wondering why you’ve never spoken about “where you stand” or “if you’re exclusive,” I assure you, it’s not because he’s waiting for you to bring it up. He’s avoiding the conversation like Martha Stewart avoids her taxes.
Just remember, life is not an Oasis song. You’re probably not going to be the one who saves him.
Sure, he might realize you’re different from every other girl he’s met before. He might decide to give up his anti-relationship beliefs and give monogamy a try. Or, he might waste two years of your life.
Really, there’s only one way to find out.