Here’s a list of things women do in movies we find funny and hard to believe compared to real life scenario. Enjoy reading and laugh because you have been played for a long time.
1. Require zero foreplay to get things going and have an orgasm, like, instantly.
not sure when the saliva-as-lube thing became “sexy,” but lube would be a heck of a lot easier and you don’t have to worry about bacteria and viral particles — lube is your friend!
2. And then have instantaneous, penetrative sex without lube.
I’m not sure when the saliva-as-lube thing became “sexy,” but lube would be a heck of a lot easier and you don’t have to worry about bacteria and viral particles — lube is your friend!
3. Moan for the ENTIRE time — from the second their partner touches them.
No one’s partner is actually a superhero/sex-god who can make you orgasm just from touching your knee.
4. Have on cute, matching, and (probably) very expensive lingerie…just so they can look like a “gift” for some dude.
We can actually look really sexy in things other than frilly lingerie…and, heck, even nothing at all.
5. Wear a bra before, during, AND after sex.
6. And, if they do remove their bra, there is always a magical sheet that covers their boobs, while the dude’s chest is fully exposed?
7. Then that same bed sheet magically becomes the perfect dress while they walk away from bed.
Because, god forbid, we walk around naked.
8. Have an orgasm “by accident” in a restaurant/park/somewhere in public where she just “doesn’t have control over it.”
Why is it ~so funny~ to laugh at a woman having an orgasm in a place she didn’t intend to? Sounds like an awkward AF nightmare to me.
9. Never pee right after sex to help avoid a UTI.
Peeing after sex helps cleanse your urethra from harmful bacteria post-intercourse…which, I don’t know, seems a little more important than an existential conversation?
10. Have perfect shower sex where no one awkwardly slips…
11. …or bangs their elbow into the shower door/wall/etc.
Showers are small and slippery, which are two descriptive terms that don’t belong in sex talk, TBH.
12. Stand there like mannequins and, in just one hand motion, their dress/slip/nightgown DROPS to the floor.
13. Wear the other person’s shit in the morning, which always conveniently fits perfectly.
In reality, not everyone has the same shape/size body, so shouldn’t these things look more like they WEREN’T tailor-made for them?
14. And/or always wear a man’s button-down dress shirt.
Does every man just have a button-down shirt on his floor for this exact situation? Didn’t you JUST wear that all day at your non-descriptive office job?
15. Do a sexy, highly choreographed, striptease.
16. Orgasm in slow motion, looking more like they’re in a shampoo commercial.
17. Have their legs WAY UP in the air, like a flying “V.”
Are all women low-key gymnasts? I think not.
In reality, sex is PRETTY noisy and, yeah, sometimes those noises aren’t expected, but who cares?! It happens.