Loosing a relative can be so saddening but for this man, it’s the other way round. Darren Idongesit had received news of his father’s death but instead of mourning the loss, he was excited.
Taking to Facebook to share his excitement over the news which he calls a ‘wonderful’ one, Idongesit wrote:
“Phew! I heard a wonderful news today. I think my father is dead.
All I want to do if I ever grabbed a mic at his funeral is to list all the terrible things he did and said about his relatives. I’d also want to promote my revealing book on growing up with a Nigerian psychopath in an alien land with no familiar faces or features, I remember how it felt to be brutally injured in my first experience of northern harmattan. Injury during harmattan is the most painful but then there is the other one which has kept up with me till this day – the emotional scars are more like sores that keep tearing itself apart, banishing the superficial cicatrix and oozing crimson sorrow that nowadays taste like ferrous delight.
Ah well, I hope he saved for his funeral because I don’t think anyone would want to bury that man, the only man that has successfully pissed everyone off in the world.
I am however glad that through his actions my life radically changed and I know now not to treat others badly, I rather be sincere than treacherous, I rather say I don’t like a person to their face than hurt them from behind the curtains.
Through my travails and childhood trauma I want to thank god all mighty donkey-ass for not showing up, if my childhood was sweet, perhaps I’d never have reason to question faith and beliefs and love and marriage and having biological children.
I don’t want marriage, don’t want children, and I want to save for my own funeral which would be a Muslim funeral – wrap me up in white cloth as black would be too spooky, throw the cadaver in a shallow grave not 6 feet but 3, plant N350 mango seedling there so I know at least I was useful one last time to the wild birds of the forest and occasionally a firm branch for a stray person to hang from.
I also want to give away any money I make professionally to charity that would help increase literacy in young girls so they have the power to tell their own stories.
I may have my own opinion of my father, it doesn’t mean others shouldn’t have a different opinion of the man but I strongly believe he is the only person that would die to exorbitant jubilee and champagne pops.
Happy fatherless day to me in advance.”
In another post, he wrote:
“People have been sending inbox messages and calls that I cannot answer at this moment, my father is dead and so what?
I never even believed I’d shed a tear for that rotten man, I feel so disappointed in myself for even crying. This is why I try to overcome this human nature because it is weak.
I want to wear my foreign suit to the burial and eat jollof rice and then look at the thing one last time. That suit I got it from Primark, it’s a cheap place no doubt but it’s still a foreign suit so I’ll manage. That suit was what I used for my postgraduate studies and my father had promised to buy one for me when I made it to med school so I wasted 3 years of my life pursuing medicine to make an ingrate happy. I want to wear that suit to remind me that sadistic thing didn’t pay a kobo for my education from nursery to postgraduate, not a dime so I’ll wear the suit I wore in my postgraduate to his funeral.
I have never hated anyone except my father in this life and this is what I keep preaching, death cannot make a monster become a saint.
I appreciate all the effort to console me but save it, I don’t need it because my father died 20 years ago and I’ve spent a lot of time trying to bring him from death until he finally died literally.
I will die too and welcome anyone I’ve hurt like my father did me to come forward and speak up. I can’t even believe I let a tear for that animal. Gone, good riddance to a rubbish child abuser.”