Journals of Ettorah; A Plus Size Chick –Episode 1: First of all, INTRODUCTION.
The sun seems to hit differently as you move around Lagos, the only plausible scientific explanation, because I do not understand why Ojuelegba is this hot.
As I stand at the bus stop just in front of Union Bank waiting for a bus heading to Ikeja under-bridge, some buses are screaming “Allen Ikeja, e wo le e relax” (Allen Ikeja, come in and relax), but we aren’t going to the same Ikeja (If you know, you know!).
A scruffy-looking guy that had just walked past me few moments ago was making his way right back in my direction. The determination in his eyes and sudden gallant posture of his meant only one thing, he was going to strike a conversation.
“Olorun oh! (Oh God)” I exclaimed in my head, bracing myself for the stench that might hit me and automatically, the Lagosian in me tightened the grip on my sling bag across my shoulders. (I refuse to add tears to the heat I’m feeling already.)
“Mama I dey hail oh”
“You no wan enter Allen”
“Na the same Ikeja e dey go oh”
“And na only one spot remain for bus.”
“Thank you, I’ll wait for Ikeja.” I replied.
Suddenly he screamed; “Mo fo oh!”
“See as your english fine like you”
“Mama you too set”
“Your body gallant”
All this was said with his hands raised in the air as if to mimic Fela’s signature pose. At this point, almost everyone at the bus stop was laughing and trying to get a glimpse of the woman turning this agbero’s (street urchin) head.
“Thank you.” I replied with a finality, obviously not enjoying the attention this bloody kenge had brought my way. I readjusted as if to walk away when an Ikeja bus pulled up in front of the small crowd beginning to form.
I dashed in at the speed of light, heaving a sigh of relief as I sat. Playing back what had just happened, I realised it had become a normal reoccurrence, well by now one would expect I’d be used to such nonsense compliments but I find them less amusing as the days go by.
My name is Ettorah, a plus size chick living in Lagos, trying to get a 9-5 while pushing my side hustles; a perfume store, freelance content developer gigs, a lifestyle blog and anything legit I think will make me ego (cash). Welcome to my journals of surviving and thriving in Lasgidi.
Instagram – @ettorah