Journals of Ettorah; A Plus Size Chick – Episode 2: Is fat I fat; I No kill person.

Continued from here. Journals of Ettorah; A Plus Size Chick – Episode 2: Is fat I fat; I No kill person.

journals of ettorah a plus size chick fatI hope you aren’t one of those people who stare awkwardly at a fat person as they waddle into a restaurant, eatery or buka, because  the thunder that will fire you is in a delayed flight from Abuja coming into Lagos (I dinnor mention any airline oh.)I crave certain things a lot but rarely have the time to go in search or in pursuit of them, (please in Jah’s name don’t tell me about delivery service, it’s not my account that you will drain).

I finally arranged myself into a pair of dark ankle length tights and a wine transparent chiffon blouse that looked like an ancestor dashed me but it didn’t matter because I was going to watch a movie and eat snacks! As I got to the cinema in Surulere, I met a fuel-scarcity-kinda-queue at the ticketing stand. The various eyes that packed me ehn! I know I’m not Taraji and I can’t read minds but I’d describe the most outstanding stares I got and the replies in my mind as aptly as possible;

Man 1:
“Damn girl, let me holla at your fluffy ass for a second.”

My reply:
“Iyalaya e lo ma fluffy.” (Please hire a translator).

Girl 1:
“She how she’s flaunting breast!
Why wouldn’t she wear a camisole under that blouse? Slut!”

My reply:
“It’s not my fault you were absent when God was sharing double blessings.
Agbalumo chest!.”

Man 2:
“I no wan look oh, my babe fit notice deck me one time!
But Na wah oh!
God try sha, see nyash.”

My reply:
“By the special grace of the most high, she will slap you and we shall all applaud her.”

(That’s all I can describe to you, if you want more reactions you can take me out and observe them yourself.)

Finally it was my turn, note that I’m hungry and actually snack-starved.

“Good afternoon, what can I get for you?” the attendant asked. And then suddenly it felt like someone put a pulpit before me and a microphone in my hand because all these ‘biatches’ around focused on me so hard.

“Can I get one Avenger’s ticket, one hero combo ( a medium sized popcorn pack with a chocolate bar and a bottle of soda.) and one extra creamy extra spicy shawarma,” I replied in my phoneey accent.

I kid you not people actually started throwing responses,
“Haba”
“Everything extra extra”
“Sister the film is only 3 hours oh”

Don’t get me started on the hateful stares telling me to hit the gym. Anyway, it’s not my concern, anyone who has real liver should pay gym membership for me, buy gym clothes and add transport money on top… msteeeww. I made sure to rotate my waist like a gorodom as I walked away luxuriously.

“Dia Daddy”

P.S
I enjoyed the movie and all I ordered!
Avengers?
Assemble jare!

Continue reading here.

About Author:

My name is Ettorah, a plus size chick living in Lagos, trying to get a 9-5 while pushing my side hustles; a perfume store, freelance content developer gigs, a lifestyle blog and anything legit I think will make me ego (cash). Welcome to my journals of surviving and thriving in Lasgidi.

Instagram – @ettorah

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