Continued from here. Journals Of Ettorah; A Plus Size Chick – Body Insecurities; The Creepers
Looking at my watch expecting to see if it was past six, so I could spend the next hour resting, visualizing how the party would be, and all the brilliant responses I’d give to questions (I hope I’m not the only one who does this). But to my dismay, it was already 07:37pm! I flew out of bed as if it suddenly caught fire.
Standing in front of the mirror enjoying the view of my new lingerie set on me, I was glad I listened to the sales rep (teal-green sure looks divine on me). My new found pleasure in lingerie was thrilling,
*laughing to myself *
My ultimate plan; to ruin someone’s son with enjoyment.
“What to wear”
“What to wear”
I spoke out loud to myself, swiping through my closet, even though I already knew what I was looking for. And then I stopped when I saw it, drinking in the artistry, this dress was a headache giver! (Problem go dey)
If you saw me in that dress, you were sure to receive a debit alert.
But today, feeling the urge to put it on, just to make sure the length and fit was on point, since it hadn’t been worn in close to a year. I slipped into my Olive-green ‘Anna Frey’ body-con dress, and then the electric waves hit me; the horrific realization that it couldn’t zip all the way up.
“What the fuck is it?” I asked no one on particular.
I turned to various angles, looking myself over in the mirror, like that would help somehow. I eventually slumped on my bed, feeling a sudden nausea at the base of my throat. (My derrière had increased a few inches, same as my bust-line, but I didn’t think it was enough to render certain clothes unwearable).
I started to feel my thoughts re-echo lewd comments made at me over the years;
“Orobo family pack”
“Pepsi big bottle”
I felt my body insecurities creeping in gradually, enveloping me like a warm embrace. I stood up again, looking in the mirror and feeling my desire to go out and party seep out of me, but if I missed Eric’s party it wouldn’t be funny.
The idea of letting my body insecurities win this occasional but unending battle didn’t sit well with me. Taking off the dress, catching a glimpse of myself in the mirror, something struck me! Just moments ago I was drooling over myself and here I was doing the exact opposite? (Isn’t this a mental disorder nítòri òlòrun).
Shaking off the negatives, I could feel my bad bitch mantra ringing in my head, filling me up with confidence, adding a spring to my steps as I walked around my room making sure my waist moved graciously.
I was going to enjoy this party, catch up with friends, dance and drink! Nothing, not even my creepers could stop me from doing that, as I selected another outfit.
“The enemy within is usually stronger because it knows your every secret, but also very weak because you know it’s every secret too.” – Ettorah (2019)
Continue reading here.
My name is Ettorah, a plus size chick living in Lagos, trying to get a 9-5 while pushing my side hustles; a perfume store, freelance content developer gigs, a lifestyle blog and anything legit I think will make me ego (cash). Welcome to my journals of surviving and thriving in Lasgidi.
Instagram – @ettorah