Continued from here. Journals Of Ettorah; A Plus Size Chick – Fat and Sex
For the longest time I shied away from the idea of being naked in front of another, hence my not losing my virginity till I was almost 20. The thought of someone else beholding these rolls, discolorations, dimples and curves was too much for my small mind to comprehend; but looking back now I realize it was less about how I looked like and more about how I felt about myself.
That sickening acceptance that I wasn’t worthy of pure, relentless, unhindered body worship.
If only I knew one day I’ll look a man dead in the eye and ask him
“Why are you turning off the light?”
“I want you to drink in every inch of me.”
So the big question is how did I go from coyness to initiating kinky sessions?
A partner who helped me realize I was gorgeous? Most definitely!
A lot of times we can’t see things happening under our noses but others can.
I met Nkem six years ago, he was over 6ft, with mesmerizing dark curly hair, eyes as sad as a puppy and his complexion shade was definitely hazelnut.
We became acquainted through a mutual friend, they were roommates at the time.
He was the quiet type, reserved and had an air of mystery around him. Over time we got closer, I could tell he wanted more but he was speaking in actions rather than words and I was a little girl basking in affirmations instead of actions, thank goodness I’m smarter now.
Before him my idea of intercourse was irksome, I knew it shouldn’t be that way but to have exciting sex I needed to apply my imagination and fantasies; now to do that I had to feel confident about my body which I didn’t at that point.
He made love to me like he loved me, worshipped every inch like he didn’t notice the imperfections, did things that pornhub would applaud and most importantly he spoke words I’d heard before but this time I saw the sincerity in his eyes.
The right partner can change our lives but the wrong ones eat our essence…
From that time I made sure to only be with men who were willing to live between my thighs;
If he doesn’t respect you and treat you with dignity then he wouldn’t worship your body,
If he wouldn’t worship your body in its true form, isn’t that a waste of fornication?
Can you imagine existing in damnation over a man who didn’t even make you ORGASM!
My name is Ettorah, a plus size chick living in Lagos, trying to get a 9-5 while pushing my side hustles; a perfume store, freelance content developer gigs, a lifestyle blog and anything legit I think will make me ego (cash). Welcome to my journals of surviving and thriving in Lasgidi.
Instagram – @ettorah