“I’m the shit, the big shit, ogbeni flush twice!” ~ Phenom(Murda Dem)
Sometimes I just wonder why our faeces smells. Oh faeces are waste products excreted in order to maintain internal balance in our system(or whatever dem smart peepz term it)
I’m not here to define shit or argue about its physical and chemical features. Far from it! I just need someone to tell me why this shit ain’t got respect, not an ounce of it, not even for the shitta!(surulere peepz can like to chill biko). Why will my own shit’s smell try to choke me?! What can fa?!
You know how a dog will bite errbody else but it’s master and a gun will try as much as possible to shoot anybody else except its bearer(except he’s high AF and playing odeshi or he’s just plain suicidal of course) even Abu was super loyal to Aladdin! (For those who didn’t have TV back then, Abu is the monkey)
Oh did some smart ass just say the owner tames the owned? Ok I agree, clap for yourself. But can’t we tame our shit? I mean when we fart can’t we make it smell like roses and confirm egusi soup garnished with osmagus pranus ranus?
We are humans for crying out loud! We are the “George of the Jungle” infact we are like Glo; we rule our world!-at least our body, both external and internals.
It’s pretty embarrassing when you’ve gotta answer nature’s call(as the elders say in Nollywood movies) and you decide to pay Iya Nkechi a visit only to find out the hot hot Nkechi with the ukwu- I mean UKWU! Of Life has been home the past 4 months due to ASUU Strike. Dilemma nla! Knowing fully well if she smells the kind of nerve gas you’ll emit, it’s over! Your 2 year chyking is gone o. Me? I’ll jejeli enter bush o! #NoJoy
Incase you decide to risk it, please I beg you in that ghen ghen name, make sure everything is right before you sit down to do the deed. Make sure tissue dey, water’s running and gas mask’s on standby, most importantly check for the toilet brush Incase you need to manually flush o! Phenom said he’s “the big shit ogbeni flush twice” ol’boy no be every time water dey surplus o! If all else fails use your boxers and hide it right under the pipe when done.(don’t ask where these came from o)
Seriously tho, why is it that when one farts everybody acts like they don’t fart or even shit at all? Girls be frowning and saying stuff like Eewww, yuck, nasty, disgusting! Abeg shattap there! Una no dey shiiit? Shit & Let Shit o!
While most people probably don’t want to put much thought into pooping, it’s an essential body function that can tell them if something is wrong. Shittin’ is an Essential part of Life, its like Breathing!
Anyway my major aim of writing this is to see if y’all can help me(and others like me) find out how to make shit smell less offensive!
Do drop your comments below & join me in the Fight Against Smelly SHit! #FASSH(not the short form of Fashola o!)
Written By Ibrahim “@UnilagOlodo” Salawu
Do you have suggestions on how to make our …? Please share! Drop your comments below. Thanks
Btw if you missed my previous post, Click Here To Read Family ~ Always & Forever