[wp_ad_camp_4]
[wp_ad_camp_1]
1. You have to have sex every night with your husband for a happy marriage. No. Nope. Maybe you have sex twice a week and then your vagina closes up like a beautiful little clamshell and you just want to swim off into the ocean to recuperate from the wild, mind-blowing sex you just had and also you’re a mermaid. Nothing wrong with that.
2. You should come with ease every time you do it. Many women have to really have their heads in the game to come. (Also: Many need a partner with a voracious appetite for cunnilingus.) There’s no shame in suggesting something different if you’re not coming. Or even just bowing out if you know it’s not going to happen.
3. Men won’t want you unless you wax. Here’s a secret: Waxing is evil. If you like waxing, great! But if you don’t, the good news is that a man who cares is not worth your time. Those guys are always asshole hypocrites with raging dick bushes anyway.
4. Periods are gross. Men who think periods are gross are 14 years old and have patchy Justin Bieber trash-staches. STFU.
5. Blow jobs are required. You never have to give a blow job. Even if he guilts you because you’re on your period. Even if he’s pushing your head down. Especially if he’s pushing your head down.
6. If you only do missionary, your sex life is boring. This is like saying you’re a basic bitch for wearing your hair down every day. Missionary is good and easy, and you can make out while you do it. Interesting sex positions are fun, but sometimes you’re just too tired for that.
7. Sex doesn’t feel as good for him when you “make him” use a condom. Ummm, too bad?
8. You’re a tease if you don’t “finish what you started.” Have you ever ordered a meal at a restaurant and not liked it that much, but then the waiter came over and asked why you didn’t finish it, so you scarfed the rest of it down while he watched? Me neither. You can stop at any time and not feel bad about it.
9. You should be down to try anything once. This is usually mentioned when a guy asks if you want to have anal sex, but you can still be a free-spirited, sexually adventurous woman on your own terms, not his. And if that means avoiding certain sex acts for your whole life, so be it.
10. STDs make you dirty. Can we stop staying that if you don’t have an STD you’re “clean”? Having an STD doesn’t make you dirty; it just means you have to be more upfront with your partners and more fastidious with ~*~*cOnDoMs~*~.
[wp_ad_camp_2]
11. If you don’t come in unison, you’re not in sync. This never happens, so no need to feel bad about it.
12. Queefing is farting. According to my 10th grade biology teacher who I now realize was way too forward about sexuality, this is not true. Queefing is what happens when you push air into your vagina and then it has to come out. Laugh about it, or don’t laugh about it, but definitely don’t feel embarrassed by it.
13. You’re only turned on if you’re wet. You could be sleeping with Sexy Mike With Hot Abs and your vagina might still be playing the role of Arabia in Lawrence of Arabia. Lube is not just for Olds, so whatever.
14. The longer sex lasts, the better. No. Chafing/getting tired of it is real.
15. If you like being dominated in bed, it means you’re weak or submissive in real life. Christian Grey taught us that everyone who has sexual quirks is a deeply disturbed person who was raised by a crack whore. Thankfully, Christian Grey is a fictional man with a limited vocabulary. You are not your sexual fantasies.
16. You should just be grateful he’s going down on you at all. No one wants to sit there silently suffering through some vacuum-cleaner cunnilingus because she’s too embarrassed to speak up. Offer some tips and everyone will be happier.
17. Men love lingerie. Men are confused and frightened by lingerie. Don’t waste your money.
[wp_ad_camp_3]
